Sketch Diary: Hopelessly devoted to... fags

Sometimes I have a look around and try to find the hidden camera. But it's never there.

This time I'd just been harassed by a lady who was going bonkers for a cigarette while sucking on a smoking cessation device. A big white stick delivering nicotine directly into her stupid face.

Sketch Diary: Falling Down

It's been a while since I posted a picture on here, because I am now a professional illustrator. Look how far I've come. I don't need this shit.

But when a lady who works in my office fell off a step and splatted her face into the pavement, I thought I'd better draw a picture.

Don't worry, I checked she was OK before laughing at her. And texting people about it.

I think these days, I enjoy watching the confused, embarrassed expression when they get up even more than the actual fall.

Sketch Diary: Ganster Wraps

Here's some Turkish ganster types sitting outside their 'members only cafe' on my road.

Unfortunately they are quite scary so I drew this having looked across the road at them for about a second.

I like to imagine occasionally some idiotic Islington twerp goes in, asks for a gluten-free frappuccino and never comes out.

Sketch Diary: Floating Voter

Did you know mobility scooters did this?

In a crowded House of Lord's commitee room this woman eerily levitated five foot into the air to make a point.

Sketch Diary: Conan the centre-forward

My heart sank when I saw this meatmonger warming up for the opposition in our not-so-friendly 5 a-side league.
I spent most of the game running away from him or ineffectually kicking his legs. I think he was made of wood.

Quote: "I didn't elbow him. I nutted him! HUH-HUH."

Sketch Diary: An unpleasant scene

Not everything I observe is funny lol

Don't you hate the way people use LOL as punctiation now lol

Even when things aren't funny lol x x

Sketch Diary: I'm back.

I've been busy doing boring drawings for coins. Sorry for the lack of updates (mum).


Just as I decided 'tonight I will sketch somebody for the blog', a man got on the train and started rapping at me. Badly. All that really lame stuff about blowing your money on prohibitively expensive champagne in a nightclub to impress ladies so you can grind up against them for a bit (like a sick dog scratching his testicles on a tree, probably).

Sketch Diary: Bus-Spotter Spotting

Spotted: A bus spotter.

Just writing down the five-digit number above the driver's window. Of every bus that went past. In the rain.

Sketch Diary: Three People

This is just three people that caught my eye today. I won't pass comment or judge them.

But seriously, a fucking army officer's cap? Bell-end.

Dream Diary: Let's go home, Mr Obama

I'm resorting to drawing dreams again, sorry. The physical realm just hasn't been very interesting lately.
You have to admit, this one's fairly prophetic though. Just me and Barack, the lone survivors returning from a DREADFUL WAR.

In a MINIBUS. IN DORSET

Sketch Diary: BllaAAARGHHALP

Lunchtime in a pub in Caerphilly. A violent belch erupts from a woman on the next table, stopping me mid-sentence and blasting the stench of her spicy insides over me and my mother. No reaction from her or her friend.

Sketch Diary: Space Invaders

Tube travel reached a new level of discomfort this evening when a generously-fed woman decided to straddle me and give her fanny a well earnt rest on my knee.

Sketch Diary: MonuMental

Why is London's Monument - the largest free-standing stone column in the world - not more famous and well-loved? Because it's built in memory of a fire, and not some great war-bastard, I reckon.


The view from the top, where an insanely paranoid health and safety viewing cage has been created, is, as the Scots say, fandabidozi. But you do have to share two square metres of cage with about 50 amateur photographers and wheezing tourists.
I've added a man falling to his death from the top to help give a sense of scale.

Sketch Diary: 21st Century Band Practice

I've joined a band. This is how we roll.

We crazy.

Sketch Diary: Taxi Driver

I saw this merry little scene near my house the other day.

I couldn't tell if his face meant 'for god's sake, help me' or 'you've seen too much. I'll have to kill you too.'

I walked straight past because it was freezing and frankly I've got enough problems of my own.

Sketch Diary: Physio gets weirder

I'm not sure if my physiotherapist hates me but she made me do this on a treadmill the other day.